"The problem with children is that you have to put up with their parents." - Charles DeLint

Many people ask me why I don't have any kids.

I didn't think it was such a bad thing that I was in my 20's without a child. I thought I did a good job seeing that nowadays there are 12 year olds having children.  I figured I would be commended for not having any yet.

But it doesn't seem to fail when people ask if I have any kids and I reply, "No", they look at me a little shocked and say, "Really? Why not?"

Umm... because...

I don't want that responsibility yet. I'm not sure if I want that responsibility at all. I've always loved kids. I love kids so much that I when I was younger I wanted to have about a dozen kids (literally) or more. Then I settled on the idea of 3 because that's how my family is made up.  2 older brothers and then myself.  I was even going to make my profession as a pediatrician.

But I am a selfish person with my time. I'm not a selfish person with anything else, but when it comes to me I want to be able to just get up and go. I don't like the idea of having to wonder, who's going to babysit?, What do I have to pack in the diaper bag?, Are there enough diapers for the night?, Where the hell is the formula?

And EVERYONE that has children, have all told me the same thing, "When you have kids, you stop being selfish and it's all about them."

Well, DUH. I know I'd stop being selfish and stop caring about myself, the problem is I don't WANT to. I want to go out and have fun. I want to be crazy and silly and not worry about anyone else but myself or my boyfriend/fiance/husband. And before you get the wrong idea, it's a completely different story to care about a significant other than to care about a baby. The significant other is there to do things with... not for.

It's great for everyone that wants children, but why do you act so surprised when a 23 year old isn't sure if she wants any kids? It's not like I have to have kids before I'm 30. There isn't a time or an age limit on producing offspring.  I know it's harder as you get older but if I don't have any kids... then I don't have any biological ones. I can always adopt.

And it's not that I don't have patience. I have a lot of patience with children. I just don't WANT to have it yet.... at least for my own. Other kids cry and I can just hand them back to the parents.

I don't want to worry about having to take a child to the doctor.  When I'm sick, if I don't want to go to the doctor I'm not going to go. If a baby is sick, I'm obliged to take them. I have to take care of someone else in their entirety. I have to make sure they eat, are clothed, bathed, I'm stimulating their mind, teaching them good manners, and as they grow up good ethics etc. It's just a lot that I don't want to deal with right now.

I've been in the situation to take care of a child as your own... I know what it's like.  So my views on children are not based on my naiveness.  It's based on first hand experience as a 17 year old.

My best friend Jennifer had a baby when she was 17 and still in high school. I stuck it out with her. I was ALWAYS there for her. She will admit it to you herself, I helped raise her daughter. I was around her and her daughter every single day and it got to the point when her daughter would call me "dada".  It was funny when we'd go out in public and her daughter would cry and reach for me and say, "I want dada!" I'm almost positive people at the mall & restaurants thought Jennifer and I were lovers.  I would babysit her daughter whenever I was off from work or didn't have class to go to.  I've been through it all with them... 1st steps, word, sentence, giggle, vaccination, illness... 1st everything! She was like my daughter. 

And it wasn't a bad experience... I enjoyed many moments.  At 17 though, realistically, it sucked. As a teenager, you want to be wild & crazy and irresponsible... but you can't be that way when you have a child.  And then to have the weekend pass you by while you stayed at home only because you couldn't find a babysitter... well, it was a little depressing.

So call me what you will because I wasn't like a lot of people. You know, the ones that have 8 kids by the age of 20.  I will happily admit I am selfish with my time and I love the fact that I can just leave and worry only about myself.  I'm happy to take my time with life.  If you think I'm missing out on one of the joyous gifts women can have.... well I'm not.

Many people have asked me, what if I never get to experience having a baby, shouldn't I at least have one?

No, I shouldn't. Life isn't a race. I'm not going to throw myself into something THAT life changing because I want to experience it before I die.  I plan on taking my time and ENJOYING my life as much as I can for now.... without a child. 

Taking care of myself is enough for me right now.... and that makes me happy.